I want to ride my BICYCLE

I had the most Portlandy day today!  Strawberry/blueberry/raspberry picking (passing by the vaunted local lineage of the Marionberry et al.); playing with a friendly Riley dog on a Sauvie's Island beach, turning my lily white skin a bit pink.  Beer and Thai food on the porch reading the Portland Mercury.  Taking my potential new bike to get it checked out at the bike co-op.  Big contented sigh.  That last, though, is giving me some anxiety.  Namely: I want to ride my bike.  Really and truly.  But I have Absolutely No Idea What I'm Doing.

I grew up in the 'burbs of Portland - the West Hills, to be precise, and they are quite hilly (Art Alexakis can back me up on this).  Except hanging out with my elementary best friend Alice, riding in her (even hillier) neighborhood, I didn't really ride.  My street was rough, and I was too wimpy and afraid of skinning my knees, elbows, nose, etc.  I had a pair of rollerblades (score!) that I preferred, and even for that I was padded and helmeted and strapped in within an inch of my life.  I learned to ride sans training wheels embarrassingly late... long story short, I have no knowledge, no skills and no confidence to back me up.

After talking with a very nice tattooed lady at the bike shop about the various repairs my hand-me-down might need in the short and long term, I had to ask her to show me how to put air in my tires.  Sigh.  And a chagrined one this time, not a contented one.  It's embarrassing.  Especially in this town, I feel like I should have at least a working knowledge of this stuff... but no.  I know the gears slip on my bike, but I don't know how or when I'm supposed to be shifting gears anyway, so it doesn't really matter!  I'm going to look like a fool during this uphill (Ugh.) learning process.  And I'm okay with that.  But a whole lot of people are going to be exposed to the vast plains of my ignorance, since I'm going to be asking all the bike nerds I know for help (Hi guys!).  Do I repair or sell this bike and buy a newer/better/shorter one?  If I repair, what should I do first?  How tall should my bike be?  What kind of lock should I get?  Are my helmets awesome enough?  Tell me what to do!

Lurking under all this is my childhood fear and nervousness of falling off said bike.  I'm not as elastic as I was as a kid, and I am paying my own health insurance now.  I'd prefer not to break my first bone commuting down Stark St. to OMSI (although I suppose it has to happen sometime).  After visiting the co-op today, I puttered around side streets in my neighborhood and around the blacktop at the nearby elementary school.  There were a couple moments when I lost my balance for a split second - I could feel my muscles seize, my breath catch and adrenaline flash through my body.  Then I got it back, stayed upright and everything was fine.  But those moments are intimidating just plain scary.  They make me feel like I'm seven years old again, and all the courage I mustered in the past year, all the stalwart pressing on through the big life changes just evaporates.

If I did fall and scrape myself up, I don't think I'd cry.  But I probably would like a popsicle.