Mind the Gap

Yesterday:
 
So, it's been awhile (again).  And I've fallen behind here (again).  But I have an excuse this time.  No, really, guys!  Listen!  C'mon!  WAIT UP!

Okay, it's that: my life was sucked into an alternate dimension where time stops and the future is a blurry confusion of dual superimposed possibilities, unreachable by any logical or logistical bridge.  I'm treading water in the desert.  Echoes don't echo.  Roadrunners run backwards.  No ball was dropped on New Year's.  People here don't blink.  It's like the Outer Limits.  Woooooooo!

Well, maybe not exactly.  But it's been weird, of late.  I am living in limbo (again, very different from doing the limbo) between the ground falling out from under this internship (Jan. 10th), the shapes-in-the-fog of a possible continuing/museum exhibit design position here and the Hail Mary of an OMSI job.  Everything is out of my hands.  So I sit.  I drink tea.  I try not to get sick, try to do laundry, try to keep my bathroom clean and try to eat up all the food in my freezer.

But the whole time, I'm thinking, "Where?  When?  Where?  How?"  My tummy alarm clock went off this morning at 7am.  It hadn't let me fall asleep until 12am, so that wasn't quite fair.  It's been intriguing to be able to watch my physiological responses to such a variety of stimuli: the diaphragmatic flutterings when you're trying to make a good impression to new people; the heart-clenching of dealing with a stranger upset at you for some reason; the tingling in your extremities when faced with bodily danger.  For such a brain gal, I keep thinking back to my class on Emotions and going, "Oh yeah.  Bio-chemicals.  Duh."  But (possibly contrary to last post o' wisdom), the knowing doesn't make it easier.  It just makes it more transparent.  So's ice; doesn't make it any less cold.

Today:

  I got lots of news on these fronts, but no more direction.  Formalized offer to stay!  Second round of OMSI interviews!  Tons of paperwork and projects to be immediately completed on both fronts!  I'm terrified.  I'm run ragged.  I'm a hot mess.  I've never been a good juggler, and here are two to three futures juuuust reaching the tops of their arcs.  (Their zeniths?  There's  a heck of a pronunciation.)  When I juggle three balls, I nearly always drop at least one.  Just gotta do our best, right?  Tummy's up at 5:30 and I soon follow tackling as much as I can.  Gotta keep sleeping and eating and breathing.  'L-I-V-E, Live!'  Right, Maude?

"I am gonna make it through this year if it kills me."

- This Year, The Mountain Goats